Posts Tagged ‘jokes’
“Do you mean to say such a physical wreck as he gave you that black eye?” asked the magistrate. “Sure, your honor, he wasn’t a physical wreck till after he gave me the black eye,” replied the complaining wife.—London Telegraph.
“So you have adopted a baby to raise?” we ask of our friend. “Well, it may turn out all right, but don’t you think you are taking chances?” “Not a chance,” he answers. “No matter how many bad habits the child may develop, my wife can’t say he inherits any of them from my side [...]
“There seems to be a strange affinity between a darky and a chicken. I wonder why?” said Jones. “Naturally enough,” replied Brown. “One is descended from Ham and the other from eggs.”
MR. HENPECK—”Are you the man who gave my wife a lot of impudence?” MR. SCRAPER—”I reckon I am.” MR. HENPECK—”Shake! You’re a hero.”
A little girl on the train to Pittsburgh was chewing gum. Not only that, but she insisted on pulling it out in long strings and letting it fall back into her mouth again. “Mabel!” said her mother in a horrified whisper. “Mabel, don’t do that. Chew your gum like a little lady.”
A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce. Judge asked: How will you divide? You have 3 children. Sardar replied: OK! We will apply next year.
Like Father, Like Son I was the nurse caring for a couple’s newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia, we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed [...]
William had just returned from college, resplendent in peg-top trousers, silk hosiery, a fancy waistcoat, and a necktie that spoke for itself. He entered the library where his father was reading. The old gentleman looked up and surveyed his son. The longer he looked, the more disgusted he became. “Son,” he finally blurted out, “you [...]
Little James, while at a neighbor’s, was given a piece of bread and butter, and politely said, “Thank you.” “That’s right, James,” said the lady. “I like to hear little boys say ‘thank you.’” “Well,” rejoined James, “If you want to hear me say it again, you might put some jam on it.”
There once was a German schoolteacher. She went to England to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted to use the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a messenger boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house knew what WC stood for. When the [...]
