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Cephas is a darky come up from Maryland to a border town in Pennsylvania, where he has established himself as a handy man to do odd jobs. He is a good worker, and sober, but there are certain proclivities of his which necessitate a pretty close watch on him. Not long ago he was caught [...]
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his [...]
VILLAGE GROCER—”What are you running for, sonny?”
BOY—”I’m tryin’ to keep two fellers from fightin’.”
VILLAGE GROCER—”Who are the fellows?”
BOY—”Bill Perkins and me!”—Puck.
“Dose Irish make me sick, alvays talking about vat gread fighders dey are,” said a Teutonic resident of Hoboken, with great contempt. “Vhy, at Minna’s vedding der odder night dot drunken Mike O’Hooligan butted in, und me und mein bruder, und mein cousin Fritz und mein frient Louie Hartmann—vhy, we pretty near kicked him oudt [...]
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops at a brothel outside Kalgoorlie. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt chop.
The Madam is astonished. But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of [...]
A pessimistic young man dining alone in a restaurant ordered broiled live lobster. When the waiter put it on the table it was obviously minus one claw. The pessimistic young man promptly kicked. The waiter said it was unavoidable—there had been a fight in the kitchen between two lobsters. The other one had torn off [...]
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away… Florida
or the moon? The other blonde turns and says, ‘Helloooooooooo, can you
see Florida ?’
